Conversational Hypnosis – Dating Techniques Body Language of Attraction

FREE NLP LECTURE: The Mating Dance - Decoding Female Body Language

Renegade Romance: The Mating Dance - Decoding Female Body Language
Part 2 of a Powerful Lecture Unlocking The Secret 7 Stages of Romantic Body Language Every Woman Uses On The Way to
Becoming Totally Attracted And EXACTLY What Men Need To Know When Interpreting It.

  • If You've Ever Wondered About
  • How To Make Dating Techniques Actually Work
  • The Real Science of Attraction
  • How To Find Indicators of Interest (IOIs)
  • Secret of Body Language

This is the one lecture You Don't Want To Miss.

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4 replies
  1. G. Ray Glenn Sr
    G. Ray Glenn Sr says:


    { This is what is currently on the White Board }

    Part two takes up after the seven minute break in the class.
    RUNNING TIME IS [1:01:04]

    White Board

    (NEOCORTEX) <== Rational Lieing Brain

    (LIMBIC SYSTEM) <== Emotional Brain

    (PALEOCORTEX) | | <== Reptile Brain
    | | Survival
    | | Reproduction
    | | Food
    | |
    | |
    (Oyster {brain stem}
    drawing ) {& spinal cord}


    David: Tattoo the universe on the insides of your eyelids, so you can see it when you sleep at night.

    {class giggles}

    People will forget what you said.
    Many times what you did.

    But they never forget the way you made them feel.


    Every single one of you, in this room, is NOT here, because of a voice in your head, telling you how shitty your life is…

    You are NOT here because ….

    There is a picture in your head that's bugging you.

    You ARE here because there is a set of feelings you want more of in your life.

    And a set of feelings that you want less of.

    Would that be true or not true?

    Students: yes, so true.

    David: Exactly. Everything starts, and goes back to, feelings.

    How do we control our feelings?

    Control your body. Control the size and shape and location of the pictures, below the threshold of conscious awareness, and you are well on your way.

    Now that's being self aware. That’s becoming aware of how our minds and our bodies create our feelings, and our experiences.

    But we have to take that awareness and we have to direct it, outward.

    We have to see the people around us differently.

    We have to sort for different kinds of information. Information that has always been there.

    But because we are in our head. We are looking for our own checklist, and we don't see them.

    How many people here have ever heard of a show called "Lie to Me."

    {show of hands}

    If you haven't. Go to Amazon, rent every season (all 3 of them) Curl up with a good book for the next sixty (60) days.

    And go through every single one. And then when you are done with that, go look up Paul Ekman at

    **Transcriptionists note:

    Emotions Revealed, Second edition: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life.
    ~$10 paperback ~$35 Hardcover

    Emotional Awareness: Overcoming the Obstacles to Psychological Balance and Compassion
    A conversation between the Dalai Lama and Paul Ekman, PH.D.
    ~$13 paperback ~$17 hardcover ~$10 Kindle


    Paul Ekman is the worlds leading authority on emotions and facial cues.

    OK? And he has also co-written several books on emotional control and various topics, of managing emotions, with the Dali Lama.

    Not a bad guy to talk to about managing emotions, if you want to be a monk.

    Student: What's the name of the book?

    David: The book I'm referencing that I'm going to tell you to go pick up is called, "Emotions Revealed"

    The one he wrote with the Dali Lama, … I don't remember the title off the top of my head.

    But the one I want you guys to get is "Emotions Revealed"

    When I do my "Lie Detection" workshop.
    When I do my "attraction and relationship" workshop.
    When I do my "law of attraction" workshop.
    My "manifesting" workshops.
    You'll always hear me referencing this book.

    The reason is … you have a behaviour that your nervous system does, it's called the emotional refractory period. OK? Not to be confused with another type of refractory period.

    Oh we got serious all of a sudden.


    "Duh… What stick."


    In that book… Ekman defines a behaviour known as the "emotional refractory period."

    Let me ask you a question. How many people here have ever been in an argument with somebody?

    {show of hands}


    How many people here have ever been in an argument with somebody, They resolved the argument,

    and then, for the next ten, … fifteen, … twenty minutes… anything you say… pisses them off again.


    "He knows exactly what to say to piss me off."

    {more laughter}

    Don't you hate that shit?
    Why does that happen?

    Remember the three brains.

    {points to the white board}

    When you experience an emotional shift, your nervous system changes.

    OK? It starts with the reptile brain.

    Goes to the emotional brain, and then goes to every other part.

    What happens is… each of those emotions that you have, is like a little life form. And it wants to go on for as long as it can. It wants to exist in the body as long as it can.

    So what your nervous system will literally do is, it will tweak your perceptual filters. It will tweak what you consciously, and unconsciously, pay attention to.

    (And it) … will only bring into your conscious awareness the things that reinforce,… or retrigger, the emotional state, you are already in.


    Each emotion state that you experience has a half life, for lack of a better word, during which time, the person that you are dealing with is highly predisposed to anything that will reactivate and reinforce the state.

    That goes for LOVE as well as ANGER. Every emotion works this way.

    OK? You don't get a two minute warning, that you're about to get pissed off. Somebody cuts you off in traffic and you get this little thirty second warning "WARNING WARNING, You're about to get pissed off."

    "WARNING WARNING" {Laughter}

    It doesn't work that way.

    You don't realize that you've had an emotional shift, until you're in it. By then, it's sometimes too late.


    But if you understand the dynamics that are at play, when these things happen.

    You can make better choices on how to behave.
    You can make better choices on how to manage yourself.
    So that you can do the things that are NOT going to make the situation worse.
    And can significantly make it better.

    Guys I'm going to teach you how to double the intimacy connection, and many often times, the sexual frequently in your relationship.

    When ever your wife does something, and she gets pissed off at you,

    Look her right in the eyes and with the highest level of sincerity say, "Honey, I'm sorry, I was wrong."

    OK? We're going to get into the dynamics of arguing in a minute. But by and large, that will go a long way.

    For those of you who want to really practice some conversational ninjutsu, pick up a book called,
    "Talk to me like I'm someone you love."

    Transcriptionist note:

    "Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love:
    Relationship Repair in a Flash

    book by Nancy Dreyfus Psy. D.
    304 pages published 2009,

    Barnes and Noble paperback edition ~$13.99 – $17.99 from $11.99 paperback, Kindle $11.84
    Spiral bound from $1.88

    Now think about this. Play this movie in your head. You and your significant other are having this knocked down drag out fight!

    At one point when you're about to reach your emotional crescendo, she looks at you and she says, … or he looks at you and he says,….
    "Please, talk to me like I'm someone you love."

    {deflation noise}

    It'll piss them off because it will take the steam right out (of the argument. )


    That changes the perspective. That changes the dynamic.

    That's one example of some of the things you find in that book. And they have them listed by context.

    Keep in mind that when we are in the throes of the "emotional
    ….. And I've never taught this part ….

    When we're in the throes of the "EMOTIONAL REFRACTORY PERIOD" we need to change context.
    We need to change our perceptual position in the communication.

    Phrases like, "Please talk to me like I'm someone you love." Because for all intents and purposes, if they are in a relationship with you, shouldn't they Right?

    But sometimes we don't. Sometimes we treat our significant others the worse of all the people we know. It's just weird that way. OK? I'm no different.

    My first marriage was a lot of practice and a lot of mistakes.
    Right? But we learn.

    So keep in mind that with emotional states, it all comes down to feelings and it all comes down to awareness.

    I threw that out there because I wanted to give you guys some insight into… I'm going to give you one more, neuroscience tidbit for relationship management.

    Neurologically….. This is NOT David's chauvinistic side coming out,… my misogynistic side, … although I have one … It's back here somewhere, (look at his behind)

    Neurologically speaking, when a woman get stressed out,

    When a woman gets stressed out, she gets progressively more detail oriented.

    The technical term for it is "bitchy"…"Picky" "Gnarly" "Nasty" right?
    {finally gets some laughter again}

    She makes big deals out of little shit… from our (masculine) perspective. They all do it.

    {the women are laughing}

    They all do it. It's just an question of how they express it.

    OK? So. Here's the thing you want to do. And when we talk about body language, we're actually getting into body language.

    And the first principle you need to understand when we start looking at body language is, you have to be able to measure change.

    The first thing you need in order to be able to measure change is:
    a) You have got to be looking for change.

    Which means you need to be aware. You need to be out of your head and in the world, paying attention to what's going on in front of you.

    OK. Not waiting for her to stop talking so you can say what you were going to say next.

    Or vice versa. Because we both do it. Both genders manipulate each other. Get over it. It's just how it works.

    But what you also need is you need something to measure against. You need a baseline.

    You need to know, "Is it getting better? Is it getting worse?" What am I measuring against.

    It's the fundamental principle of kinesthetic interview and interrogation, which I studied, back when I was….

    I'm a licensed acupuncturist here in the state of California.
    I'm a master practitioner and trainer in Neuro linguistical Programming.

    I'm a master hypnotist. I've authored over fifteen different programs on various forms of persuasion and influence and communication.

    My specialty in the clinic is, as I said before, is physiological illness that has at its root, repressed emotion.

    I was talking to the lady back here and she said she was going to fill my quota for weight loss patients. Well actually I did have a quota, but I lifted it just for her. Because she's special that way.
    {he only gets one a year, so this makes two.}

    But I don't get those smoking cessation. That's not what comes to me.

    I get everything else. I get the really cool stuff.


    But nobodies in my chair because of the feelings they're expressing.

    Nobodies in my chair because of feelings they're consciously aware of.


    I have a little bit of experience dealing with this stuff.

    I'm also an energy healer.


    I have a masters degree in Oriental Medicine.

    I'm a certified Reiki master. I've been doing Reiki since before Reiki was cool.


    I'm a certified chronic healer and chronic psycho-therapist.

    This is the part my daughter hates. This is where my laundry list comes out.

    I'm a certified DNA and advanced DNA theta healer. And I've just gotten certified in the "Bengston energy healing method."

    Which is amazingly cool.

    Transcriptionist notes: For more information go to


    I'm probably going to do some workshops on that.

    Student: What's it called again?

    David: Bengston It's a different Energy Healing Method. Don't get me started on that. I'll do a different meetup on that.

    You've heard my "pickup" (artist) pedigree.

    I'm also a high level maritial artist. I'm been doing all kinds of qi dong and maritial arts for most of my life.

    Yes? Did somebody have a question?

    Student: I did, you do that with your practice?

    David: I do… Systema is my most recent one. But I've been doing aiki jujutsu, Kyushu jutsu, which is an art that deals with attacking and manipulating the acupuncture points of the body for self defense

    You can also use them for other things too. (like making people aroused, or vacating their bodies against their wills.)

    {lots of laughter}

    But that's a different class.

    Well this is actually closer to the class than maritial arts.

    My point of all this is that you need to be aware and you need to see the matrix.

    And that's kind of where I want to go. So this is what I bring to it.

    When I was deciding to go to acupuncture school, I was torn. Do I go into healthcare…. Or Law enforcement.

    My dream was to be a criminal profiler. I wanted to be the guy who inside of peoples head and figured shit out.

    And so I aced my kinesic interview and interrogation classes. And as I continue to do my research in how much money a healthcare worker makes… versus the expected life expectancy of a law enforcement person ….

    {shows his hands like a scale weighing his options}

    I chose healthcare.

    But I never lost my passion for observing humanity and trying to understand them, for me.

    Turns out that a lot of the stuff that I solved for me… I can help you with.

    Here's where we're going.

    Every human being on the planet has what I call, hardwired within them, "the mating dance."


    Their body language falls into two basic categories in the world according to David.

    You have genetically hardwired body language cues.

    And then you have socially programed, culturally programed gestures.

    You walk down any street in America and do this. {give somebody the second finger} show them your driving finger, and you will get a specific response.

    And if you go to other countries and you do this and it doesn't have the same effect.

    True or Not True?

    Students: True.

    Right? I don't waste my time.

    It's not that they're not important or not that they're irrelevant.

    It's just that I don't waste my time on culturally specific gestures.

    Because they are not nearly as useful as every human being on the planet has.

    The process that I'm going to share with you now is hardwired into every human being on the planet.

    And there is a lot of mojo going on.
    {mojo is unbelievable effects that occur, like magic}

    I'm going to ask one of the ladies to come up and assist me.

    {A woman's hand shot up before he finished speaking.}


    {she gets up and approaches the stage}

    {more laughter}

    NOT YET.

    {more laughter}

    {she sits back down}

    {more laughter}

    She's a little excited.

    {more laughter}

    We're going to walk through these stages and I actually have a video clip from another meetup where I taught these stages and one of the interesting things that I started the meetup off, I taught about feelings. I taught about being playful.


    I told you everyone on the planet has a checklist.


    It starts with being aware.
    It starts with understanding what you're seeing.

    We started with a "STATE CONTROL" exercise.

    And in the world according to David, and in all of my courses, you can't even get to my advanced courses until you have been vetted on your ability to go into and out of any emotional state.
    {snaps fingers} Like that.


    I give you a little tiny taste of it. I have a three day "Attraction" Workshop coming up. We will go very very deep into that.


    But when we assume a certain physiology. The brain pays attention. We go into the feeling states. We go into the perceptual filters. That "EMOTIONAL REFRACTORY" period I talked about.

    Remember what I said. When your emotional state changes, your perceptions change.

    Have you ever tried to talk somebody who is in love with somebody … out of it?

    Have you ever tried to point out all of the flaws, that that person has?

    Bing bing bing… not so much right?

    Welcome to the wonderful world of the emotional refractory period.

    For those of you who may not be able to relate to that, I'll give you another quick example.

    How many people here have ever bought a car.

    {show of hands}


    How many people here have ever actually bought a new car. Like really new.

    Wow I got to teach you guys how to make more money.

    OK. But maybe it was new for you. Right? New for me.

    You figure out what kind of car you want. You read all of the reports. You read all the reviews.

    You go from dealership to dealership to dealership to make sure they have the exact car you want, in the exact color you want. You go back and forth and you haggle haggle haggle back and forth, and then one day… You may that decision to purchase.

    And you buy your car. You get in your car. You're driving home and maybe you got the radio cranking.

    And you look around… and every motherfucker on the planet, bought the exact same car on the same day.

    What's up with that?

    Emotional Refractory period.

    OK? I used to play a game called "Punch Buggy." Do you guys remember that game?

    That's where you honestly get to beat up your friend. You drive around in the back seat looking for Volkswagen Beetles and if you saw one before your friend did, you get to snap him.
    (punch your buddy in the shoulder or arm)

    And for twenty minutes after that, you're seeing punch buggy's everywhere. Right?

    It's the same process. What we see. Our reality.

    The things that we pay attention to. The things that we ignore are based on our emotional states.

    If you want somebody to see only the best in you…. Put them in a really fricking good state.


    But there is a flip side…. If I can put you in a certain physiology, … for a long enough period of time … you will go into the feeling.

    And the interesting thing is … and I'm front loading, I don't know if it will happen this time but, one of the last times that I demo'ed (demonstrated) this I had a lady up and we're talking about the seven stages. I call it "THE MATING DANCE."

    And as you watch the video, you see her systematically falling in love with me. As we're describing and discussing each of the body language positions.

    {giggles from some of the students}

    And every female in the audience was cheering for her. One lady said, "That was the best chick flick that I've seen in weeks."

    {many of the students are openly laughing}


    My point is that we have a feedback loop between our emotions and our body. We can use one, to affect the other.

    If you are one those who suffers from Chronic Depression, look at the physiologies, those postures that you spend the most time in.

    I guarantee that if you lock your shoulders back and keep your head up, it is impossible to stay depressed.

    But we sit in cubicles most of the day or we drive for a living, so we're kind of like this. {David demonstrates sitting scrunched over}

    What's the body language of depression? {sitting scrunched over}

    {students are giggling with realization}

    Who knew?

    It's right in front of you the whole time. Nobody told you. You weren't paying attention to it.

    {points to his volunteer}

    So if you want to come on up?

    And I need two cups… Can someone get me two cups please?

    Yes you can sit.

    Student: Am I going to fall in love with you now?

    David: You're already in love with me, you just haven't realized it yet.

    Student: OH, hahahaha How did you know?

    David: ME ME ME! It was a clue.


    What's your name again sweetie?

    Student: Yelena

    David: Oh I love that. Is it Russian?

    Yelena: ???? {I was unfamiliar with the word}

    {Note: Russian for Helen}

    David: ???? I stand corrected. {strikes a pose}

    If I go to Belaruz. And I'm sitting in a bar. This will work.
    If I go to Mexico. And I'm sitting in a bar. I'll need a machete, and an M16, but this will still work.


    If I go to Africa, in a grass hut, where they are serving grog or something, this will work.


    These processes are hardwired into us.

    So there are seven stages. I call it, "THE MATING DANCE."

    They are body language stages that take you from "strangers" to "intimacy."

    Once you understand them, you can look at any couple and understand their posture and orientation and know what stage of the relationship that they are at, on their way from "stranger" to "Intimacy."

    Once you understand it. You'll know what to do…. When. Because this is where guys screw everything up. Not because they want to, but because they don't understand the psychology that drives this.

    In 80% of this process, that you are going to see me acting out with Yelena, …. We're not acting out. We're going to dissect it. And I'm going to explain it.

    80% of the time, she's leading the dance.

    OK? Now there are a few keys things… Oh I didn't finish that open loop about the pickiness part.

    Right? The more stressed out a woman gets, the pickier she gets.

    Ladies, the more stressed out a guy gets, the more global he gets. The more vague he becomes.

    This is why you have these knock down drag out fights. Because you're getting really specific because you're stressed. He doesn't want to hear it.

    He tells you to stop making such a big deal out of shit.

    OK? The way you work with that is you have to calibrate a baseline. You have to know what the average pickiness level of your spouse or significant other is, and calibrate the change.

    And if you notice the level of pickiness going up, you'll know right away, that their more stressed, without ever having to say anything, and you can change your behaviour, accordingly.

    None of this information is going to do you any good unless you do two things.

    Pay attention
    And do something different.

    Everything I teach comes down to that.

    Ok? Pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention.

    Now, the first thing that's going to happen when we go to approach, once we get past our terror of approaching another human being.

    {to Yelena} Face forward please.

    This is the average hunting posture, for a man in a bar.
    { I wont even try to describe it, but the class is laughing}

    She's sitting there ….

    Yelena: I've never done bars. I don't go.

    Yelena: It's my first time.

    David: Oh. Me either. Your first time? So then she's going …
    {David makes a panic face}

    {Yelena and the class are laughing}

    David: Right? Now the average woman … now we're going to talk about some fundamentals.

    If you can imagine that two people are back to back. What we have here is a case of zero rapport. These people are moving away from each other. Got that?

    Yelena, come on up here. Come over here. We'll act this out real quick. So you can understand it.

    Oh I got hooked on you. No pun intended.

    So if we're back to back this way. This is zero rapport. This is no connection whatever. We're moving in different directions, (away from each other.) OK?

    As we go through the mating dance, two things changes.


    So when the mating dance starts, we may be in this position. More often than not, it may be like this.

    {her facing away and him facing her in a pursuit position}

    Which is always a bad idea.

    But more often than not, it will be like this.
    {her facing forward and him coming at her from a 90 degree angle from the side so he enters her edge of awareness}

    Why is this important? The orientation tells you who the "seeker" in the process is.

    When a guy approaches a woman at the bar, who has more frontal orientation, me or her?

    Class: YOU. {David}

    David: Therefore, … big picture, … she has more value in the relationship than I do… already.

    Because I'm seeking her. Whether its because she's attractive, wealthy,… blah blah blah, it doesn't matter.

    The very natural aspect of this orientation tells us who the seeker in the relationship is.

    If I'm standing like this and a woman comes up to me, it's the same dynamic.

    Right? It's the position and orientation that's important. As people move from "Stranger" to "Friendship"

    To "Intimacy." The proximity will change. They will NOT be linear. So you will see this,
    {demonstrates orientations with his hands}
    this, this, and then this. That's the big picture.

    And then, that. {hands with interlocking fingers indicating merging}

    {the whole class laughs}

    You all are naughty.

    Yelena: I don't understand what you meant when you say, "More value."

    David: More value. Because what happens is we are hardwired to seek people who make us feel good about us.

    But on a reptilian, or a primal level, we are trained to sort for people who have, greater health, greater resources, or the potential for it.

    Ok, the way a reptilian brain of a male, judges health, is beauty.
    A certain height to weight ratio.

    Ladies have different criteria. Neurologically, you sort differently.


    While I'm doing this, at the risk of distraction, maybe we can have Traci, hand out the workshop handouts and then we'll talk about that later.

    {to Yelena} Ok Go sit down again.

    So that's the big picture. But now we want to understand the nuances.

    If she were sitting facing directly forward. This is what usually will happen. If this were a bar or a cocktail table or something at a wedding reception or something.

    However, as she sees me approach…

    {Yelena starts giggling and blushing}
    {the whole class starts laughing}

    David: This is going to be fun. But she actually did the first stage.
    It's called "Acknowledgement."

    She went from this to this. {from looking at her drink, to looking at David} See the subtle shift when she looked at me. She turned her shoulders just a tiny bit.

    That's the acknowledgement stage. When she looks at me and gives me the acknowledgement stage, there is something else that I'm going to look for: A) Does she make positive eye contact. And B) does she give me an unconscious "Hello."

    OR… the death gaze.

    {Transcriptionist notes:}

    1. Acknowledgement stage
    a. Is there positive eye contact?
    b. Is there an unconscious "Hello"
    i. The eyebrow flash
    c. Or does she give me the "Death Gaze."


    David: The unconscious hello is an eye brow flash.

    If I look at you and go, "Hey how're you doing?"
    See, his head go up like that? {raised up as his eyebrows did.}

    Every mammal on the planet does it. It signals "friend."

    If you ever walk up to someone and go "hi" and they go, {drop their head and look through their eyebrows at you, with a serious look on their face.}

    You're like, "Oh shit!"


    Things shrivel, right?

    But if you go up to them and go, "Hi how're you doing?" and they go like that back. You feel better.

    It's unconscious. It happens in the fraction of a second.

    It's a micro expression that all mammals share.

    So as I approach, I'm going to look her in the eye and ….
    There's the smile.

    You can always tell the real smile … Turn sideways … See the little crinkles {at the corners of the eyes} it might be hard to see in the back of the room. But that's how you know it's an honest smile.

    And trust me this is a big one. If you walk up to a woman and she goes, "hi, how are you doing." {and the smile is on her lips but not in her eyes}

    {all the ladies are laughing}

    She's either had way too fucking much Botox.
    Or she's just pretending brother.
    {lots of laughter}

    When you make an approach… When you approach anyone…. The first thing … Man or woman doesn’t matter….

    The first thing you want…. The first body language cue you look for is POSITIVE EYE CONTACT.

    Positive eye contact has to be looking in the eyes.
    Has to be a genuine smile.
    A genuine smile always has what is called a "Duchenne smile."

    These little muscles in and around the sides of the face will crinkle up.

    Transcriptionist notes:
    For more information see


    OK? That means come talk to me. It doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you.

    {the ladies laugh}

    As in guy speak … "It doesn't mean I'm going bang you like a screen door." it doesn’t work that way. OK.

    {Loud laughter}

    What it means is…."Come talk to me. Show me what you got."

    Now if she looks at me and gives me the "Death Gaze."
    If I'm approaching her and I see this…. {the death gaze}
    There will be a tendency to stop.
    You'll pretend things didn't just shrivel.

    {ladies laughing}

    Guys? Ladies, deal with it. You make us shrivel. That's just the way it works. Just do that and we're done.

    But let's suppose that this is a very average approach, no offense, a very normal interaction.

    As I approach, she's going to look at me. She'll give me a slight turn and she'll probably smile.

    That's stage one (1). It means "Ok, I see you, I've acknowledged your presence, come and talk to me."

    If she gives you the positive eye contact and the honest smile, you're golden.


    The next stage is, and I'm going to go through my notes so that I don't miss anything. Is that OK?

    Student comment: ?????
    David: Thank you. Glad you approve. Actually I just covered it all, didn't I? I'm better than I thought.

    And by the way, the other thing that you can add in there IF you're close enough to see…Do her pupils dilate? (pupil expansion.)

    But regardless of whether her pupils dilate when you approach,

    As you approach, notice that I'm still in a relatively "safe space."

    I'm not in here. {too close}

    {Yelena starts laughing. Then the whole class joins her.}

    Female student: You're not in her bubble.

    David: I'm not in her bubble. Because I haven't been invited in.
    She will invite you. You just have to know what to look for.

    Remember, From the acknowledgement stage forward, the woman is leading the dance.

    You got to get the cajones (man balls) up to actually get to acknowledgement.

    You get acknowledgement, you go to stage two (2).

    Stage two is called "THE PIVOT STAGE."
    In the pivot stage. Let's pretend I have a drink. I'm going to be Joe Cool.

    {Transcriptionist notes:}

    a. Is there positive eye contact?
    b. Is there an unconscious "Hello"
    i. The eyebrow flash
    c. Or does she give me the "Death Gaze."
    d. Do her pupils dilate?

    2. The PIVOT STAGE
    a. She pivots slightly towards him
    b. She moves her drink closer to his


    As I move into stage… I'm going to set my drink down …
    See what she did already? See how she moved her drink closer?

    Yelena: Oooo. {breaks out laughing}
    {All the ladies are laughing}

    David: Almost like I planned it. That's "THE PIVOT STAGE." She turns a little bit. {pivots slightly towards David}

    She orients her drink a little bit closer.

    That's stage two.

    Yelena: If I did not like you, it would be more here. {keeps her drink further across the table from him.}

    David: Yes, more than likely it would be more like {demonstrates a slight turning away. Keeping a shoulder towards him. A defensive position.}

    Remember what we said about the orientation?
    You can always tell if someone's into the conversation or not, or whether they are fighting the urge to chew off a limb to get away.


    Female Student: Is it the same for guys? If she were the guy and you were the girl?

    David: I'm going to say yes.

    But… the man will still have to follow the lead. This is one of those things where nature has decided that this is the genders job and that’s what they've got to do.


    Now if a woman approaches me at a bar, I'm more than likely to turn and face her … and I'll probably rocket through the pivot stage really quick because, I'm a guy and that's how we do it.


    But a woman has to have a few more barriers. No pun intended. Barriers to entry, than the guys.

    And it's important to understand this.

    There are many more social ramifications to her sexuality, than men. Now a lot of that is changing, but I'm going to be very traditional, very Humphrey Bogart. You know, Rhett Butler-ish.

    Deal with that, … that's just my generation.

    Oh and by the way guys, especially if you are under the age of thirty (30) go watch those old movies. And you will be attractive like a rock star.

    Because our culture is systematically emasculating our men.

    Yelena: Yep. Yep.

    David: And women are starving.

    Yelena: Yes.

    David: STARVING!!

    Yelena: YES!

    {Everybody is laughing}

    David: Well I guess I'm done. {more laughter}

    Ok. So I move to communicate with her, and she orients to me. (pivots towards me)
    That's all it needs. That's all it is. It's that subtle.

    Yelena: {said something to David, but we can't hear it}

    David: {to Yelena} Just often.

    {notice how close she puts her cup to his cup and how much focus she is giving him}

    David: {to the whole class now}
    It's that subtle. Now she actually moved her glass closer. She went to stage three on me.

    Now you probably didn't see it. But basically what happened is, she actually moved her physical body over and reached and touched me a little bit.

    Yelena: I did? When?

    David: Watch the video, you'll see it. Did you guys see it?

    Class: Yes.

    David: You guys saw it.

    David: So now this is the key for stage three. It's called "THE REACHING STAGE."

    In the REACHING STAGE, you're going to see this come in a few different varieties.

    Sometimes she'll just move her drink closer.
    Sometimes she'll pick up her napkin, and as she sets it down, She'll move it closer.
    She'll adjust her handbag.
    She might adjust her sweater and move in.

    Here's the secret guys. A woman will never make this obvious. It will never be 'accidental.'

    But it may very well be unconscious. (she may not know she did it)

    She will do these things and many times not be aware…. You saw Yelena. She didn't realize that she did it.

    You have to.

    You have to be paying attention.

    Because the speed at which we recognize the cues, … that tells us how well we're doing…. And the speed at which….

    Are you ready for this?….. The speed at which we do them back.

    That determines how fast that you create intimacy, connection, and communication.


    {Transcriptionist notes:}

    a. Is there positive eye contact?
    b. Is there an unconscious "Hello"
    i. The eyebrow flash
    c. Or does she give me the "Death Gaze." which is negative feedback.
    d. Do her pupils dilate? The more dilation, the more attracted to you she is.

    2. The PIVOT STAGE
    a. She pivots or orients, slightly towards him
    b. She moves her drink cup closer to his cup

    a. She reaches out and moves her drink closer
    b. She may move her napkin closer.
    c. She may mover her purse closer.
    d. She may adjust her sweater or jacket closer to you.
    e. A woman will never make this obvious.
    f. A woman will never do this 'accidentally.'
    g. It very well be 'unconscious.'
    h. You MUST do them back to her.
    i. These things determine how fast you create intimacy, connection and communication.
    j. We want to match and mirror her movements and gestures.


    It's all about paying attention.

    Knowing the stage.
    Knowing what to do.

    Nine times out of ten…. Well five times out of ten…. Five times out of seven. Sorry. Cause there are seven stages.

    It's just doing it back. Exactly the same way. At roughly the same time, … give or take a few seconds.

    Female student: So you're mirroring her actions?

    David: Yes, (We're mirroring her.) That's how your nervous system is wired.

    Watch two people who are in deep rapport… they are standing the same way.

    They're right next to each other.

    {Yelena leans into him, practically putting her head on his shoulder, and then starts laughing}

    {David and the class start laughing}

    Aahh, I'm glad I'm on video.

    Umm, OK. But again the whole point is that …
    Now stage three is critical because when you have the reaching stage, that you start to have genuine attraction.

    Up until then, it can be curiosity. It can be politeness. But when you get "reaching" that's the first sign that there is actual attraction being generated.

    OK. You get to go to stage four next. And again what you'll see is … And again … she has her drink and I have my drink, they'll just start to move closer and closer together.

    Now it's interesting…. {to Yelena} She's having a ball with this. You're having fun with this.

    Yelena: Yes. {Yelena starts laughing}

    [The class starts laughing}

    Is she having a ball or what?

    Female student: yeah.

    David: And all we're doing is mimicking stuff. Right? She's going giggly. Right?

    My point is, is that, that is what we want to do. We want to match. We want to mirror.

    And I had a student in one of my very first master mind groups. I run a professional master mind skill building group. It is NOT a certification track.

    Its for people who want to use advance communication skills, persuasion technologies to come in and kind of spot trouble shoot aspects of their lives. We do it on the third Saturday of every month.

    Cynthia is a member. I think Heinie's been to one of them.

    And who else… I don't see anybody else whose been there.

    But we get together, and we work for four hours to make sure you leave with the skills that get you the results you want.

    I had a student. Her name is Tammy. She owned a wine bar. And when I started teaching the seven stages and she looked at me like,
    "Oh my god. You are so right! I watch people when they come into my bar. And at the beginning of the night, (her glass is sitting as far from him as possible) she's sitting on one end.
    He's sitting on the other end.
    And by the end of the night, their glasses are like that." {touching}

    Remember guys, you've got to pay attention to subtleties. A woman is going to go out of her way to NOT appear like she is doing anything deliberately.

    It is always deliberate. It may not always be conscious. Their job, their lifestyle is subtlety.

    OK… We're Cro-Magnon men. We beat things over the head until it stops moving.

    Ok. We're Incredible Hulks in a black Widow world.
    {the class chuckles}

    Anyway. But just mirroring… just mirroring as we talked…. Look at it … see that (head) tilt? Right?

    Now when you reach stage four, this is where you're going to get into a trouble spot for guys.

    And that's the TOUCHING STAGE.

    She's already touched me.

    Yelena: Again??

    David: We're technically actually past stage four.

    But we're not going there yet.

    Yelena: but you just told me that I already had.

    David: Did you just see what she did. I went like this… and she went like that. {he touched her hand, and she touched him back}

    Yes I touched her… she touched me back.

    {to the student who asked a question earlier}
    So I guess the answer to your question is "yes, it works the other way too."
    (works for men as for women)
    (see [29:20] question and answer)

    But my point is that there will be reciprocity to what you do.
    (reciprocity means that what you do to her, she will do back to you)

    The problem is, HERE is where guys lose it. They (guys) think that the moment they have some kind of a physical contact, that it is OK to go for the kiss.

    OR… as some guys think…. "Go for the boob"

    NO, not a good idea. OK?

    The secret to this is, if you watch what I did, when I touched her, and she touched me,…

    {To Yelena} Do that again.

    Yelena: I did like that.

    David: I did like that back.

    Yelena: NNmmm (meaning, "I understand now")

    David: Ohhh, (meaning, See! I'm right!)

    {to Yelena} What did that feel like?

    Yelena: Good.
    {whole class is laughing}

    David: I like you.

    Yelena: I like you too.
    {even more laughter}

    David: See now she's mirroring my words.

    Right? This is the secret. It's hidden. You've seen this a million times. Hell, you've probably been through it a million times without realizing it.

    The secret here now at the touching stage… All she's really done… is say,
    "I like you."
    "I'm comfortable with you."
    "I think there may be something here."
    "Let's see what happens when I touch."
    "Are you safe to touch?"

    The secret here guys is that you've been given permission to touch, ONLY, the way she's touched you. And WHERE.

    Did you see her melt when I gave her her touch back?

    That's what she's sorting for. Guys you're sorting for it too. You're just a little bit more brutal. Right?

    So the whole idea here now is…. She feels much more comfortable…. Just from the touch, she feels tremendously more comfortable with me.

    Female student: OK. So I have a question. What if she did not touch you back?

    David: I don't do anything. I stop, and stay where I'm at.

    Until it changes. You see the problem isn't that it's not working. It's the variable is "TIME." the variable is always time.

    You may even notice that you're going back down the arousal scale. You may notice that at some point she sits back and gives a little distance.
    Guess what happened?

    Student: Does the guy ever touch first?

    David: A lot of pickup artist will tell you to do that. Because you're forcing or trying to accelerate a natural process.

    But I'm going to say NO. Not at this point. There are ways that you can trick people into doing keynote. (not sure of this word) There's ways to 'alpha' people.

    You see the thing about social status is it gives us the ability to pass peoples boundaries without as much resistance.

    So when a pickup artist is teaching you to go for the touch, what they are actually teaching you to do is demonstrate authority in that persons world.


    And that's ok. It's a very very powerful attraction generator.

    I don't want to go there. Because it can blow up in your face. Right? I want to make it idiot proof. I want to make it safe.

    I know that IF I happen to touch her, and it does happen by accident, that you brush her, and she brushes you,

    And she doesn't jump or whatever. Or she mimics it back, we ARE connecting. We're going forward. Right?

    But this is again where you'll see the next transition. This is one of those places …. The last time that I was teaching a full hypnotic attraction workshop, I was walking through these four stages and I said,
    "Now that the woman's touched you, what do you do?" And every guy in the place said, …. "KISS HER"

    I said… NO!
    {Yelena is shaking her head NO too.}

    It's no…. It's not time. But this is the biggest sticking point.
    a. Guys try to touch too quick.
    b. They try to touch in the wrong place.
    c. And they think it's time to kiss.

    NO! Basically what you have been given is, "I feel relatively comfortable and safe with you now. The touch is to see what you'll do. (It's a test)

    Right? Sometimes a woman will drop a sexually explicit remark.

    Just to see what you'll do about it. Take sex off the table. If you do this right… She's going to put it back on.

    Why? You ARE matching her criteria. You're matching her rules. You're figuring out exactly in her world, what makes it ok to feel that way about somebody and act on it.

    Instead of trying to ramrod your …. No pun intended …. Ramrod your criteria, and what YOU want, into her life, and hope it fits.


    You want a match. Key to lock. She's going to show you. Exactly what to do. She's going to show you. It can't NOT happen.

    And you may stay at the reaching stage for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes. You may rocket right through them. I guarantee you, if you are aware of these stages and you do them properly, you'll move through them way fast.

    {student raises her hand for a question}


    Female student: Where does a handshake fit in there?

    David: A handshake is … Again same principle….

    If she's shaking your hand, it's a very formal thing. Right?

    I watch groups all the time, when strangers meet and boys and girls don't usually shake hands unless there is some kind of formal thing going on.

    Right? So there is some aloofness there. (formal distance)

    But once you get into the conversational dynamic, this stuff will start to happen. It can actually work in a business context as well, even if not a seduction, if somebody feels more and more comfortable with a client.

    Or with a coach, or whatever. These stages will start to manifest to a greater or lesser degree.

    The seduction continues. The movement from stranger to complete intimacy, is the model of all social interaction.

    We start at zero rapport. Face not having any kind of connection whatsoever. And we seek connection. Right? That's the model.

    Whether it's sales interaction.

    A teaching interaction. We've got to connect. Human beings are hardwired to seek interconnection. And it leaves cues. It leaves indicators. It's just our socialization. At our level of preoccupation. We don't see the matrix.

    But we are the victims of it.

    OK. I'm teaching you to see the matrix. That rabbit hole goes really deep. But if you just did nothing, but take the playfulness aspect that I'm sharing with you and understanding that 60% of approaches are initiated by females and they're going to do it by proximity.

    You know to sort for positive eye contact, you're going to be much more confident when you go up and talk to them, because you're going to know before you get there that she actually wants to speak with you.

    Ladies…. If you realize that we're dumb as rocks, we don't understand…. The things that you're doing is very very obvious to you. The things you're doing is very very obvious to the other women around you. They are NOT obvious to us men.

    So you have to change because we're stupid. We're stupid in the best ways. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that 99% of the men here in this room, are good people. They're deserving people. They're loving people. They are people you would like to have in your life.

    But the rituals and the behaviours that you have been working with…. Will keep most of them at bay. Unless you're willing to become more aware.

    Unless you're willing to do something different. It starts with just understanding, willing to see, and be willing to do something different.

    OK? So, one of the things is we've gotten through the touching stage, so now we're kind of a pair. Almost.

    I can still screw it up…. Trust me. (I'm a guy) I've done it. {Laughter}

    OK. {David is checking his notes to see if he is finished with this stage}

    I'm really good at doing all my notes from memory. It's really cool.


    {Transcriptionist notes:}

    a. Is there positive eye contact?
    b. Is there an unconscious "Hello"
    i. The eyebrow flash
    c. Or does she give me the "Death Gaze." which is negative feedback.
    d. Do her pupils dilate? The more dilation, the more attracted to you she is.

    2. The PIVOT STAGE
    a. She pivots or orients, slightly towards him
    b. She moves her drink cup closer to his cup

    a. She reaches out and moves her drink closer
    b. She may move her napkin closer.
    c. She may mover her purse closer.
    d. She may adjust her sweater or jacket closer to you.
    e. A woman will never make this obvious.
    f. A woman will never do this 'accidentally.'
    g. It very well be 'unconscious.'
    h. You MUST do them back to her.
    i. These things determine how fast you create intimacy, connection and communication.
    j. We want to match and mirror her movements and gestures.
    a. A trouble spot for guys.
    b. Guys mistake return touching as a signal to go for the kiss or "go for the boob." It is NOT.
    c. Touch her the exact same way she touches you.
    d. Immediately and exactly the same way.
    e. What she is really saying here is:
    i. I like you
    ii. I'm comfortable with you.
    iii. I think there may be something here.
    iv. Let's see what happens when I touch you.
    f. Guys remember to follow her lead.
    g. You have only been given permission to touch ONLY the way she has touched you.
    h. And WHERE she's touched you.
    i. If she does NOT touch you back, Stop. Do not proceed any further. Stay at the place you are. Let her decide where/when/how to proceed.


    Ok, now the next stage is where the guy has to man up a little bit.

    How many people here have ever watched like "National Geographic." {show of hands}

    Have you ever watched those stupid documentaries on birds?
    {laughter… because they have seen those shows}

    Where the frickin male bird spends his whole summer making a nest. Beautiful nest. Steals everything from every house on the planet. (He's) Got a few shoelaces, some tinfoil, a little shag carpet, got the little Barbie stereo in the corner going … bowing bang de boan baong (70's cool jive music.)

    So what's he do… he hangs out around outside his nest right?
    Waiting for "Barbie" bird to come shooting bye. So what does Barbie do? Does she go right in and move in? NO. No, She stops to check him out. "Lets see what you got."

    "You got a bathroom… That bedroom looks kind of big, what do you have in mind boy? The kitchen is not bad. You know what? That's not bad…. Oh wait wait… What's that? Is that a Mercedes in the garage?" {big smile on Barbie birds face}

    {the whole class is giggling and chuckling through this.}

    And she moves right in.

    Seen that on National Geographic, or something similar, right?

    Anybody here remember those old 1950's movies. Probably not. You're not as old as me, are you? But you know how they spoofed the old dating scenario. The guys takes his girl out to a movie for the first date and they're walking down the aisle. They sit down and he's got the popcorn and she's got the sodas.

    And he goes…. YYAAwwnnn.
    {And he does the old yawn move and puts his arm around her to see if he's going to get away with it.}

    And he's thinking… please please please.

    And she's like…. Ok, I'll snuggle up here on his shoulder.


    {David goes over to Yelena and puts his arm around her }

    Yelena: Oh my god! {very happy}

    {the whole class is laughing}

    David: I couldn't have telegraphed that any more.

    {Yelena, is laughing so hard and she leans away from David and then she leans into him.}

    David: {points out that she is snuggling} See her move?

    It's called "The SNUGGLE SPACE."
    {Stage five (5)} {see list below}

    What do I do at this point. This is where you have to man up.
    This is where YOU (guys) creates a space….

    And she either moves in, or she doesn't.

    {David looks at Yelena and she cracks up laughing}

    Look at her. She's actually fighting it.

    Yelena: I'm what?

    David: You're fighting it. How'd he know? She's actually fighting the urge to (snuggle)

    Yelena: No I'm not. No. No.

    David: {David watches the micro expressions on her face and says…} Did you see her blinking? And that would be a lie.

    {Yelena and the whole class cracks up because she's been caught}

    But that's one of the few points in the process where the man has to do something different.

    IF I create the snuggle space, if she moves in, we're off and running. Now she's basically said, I'm with you.


    Student with question: At this point are you touching her?

    David: Actually no. Any touching is incidental. Basically I'm just creating a space. And seeing how quickly, or how slowly she moves into it.

    She may not move into it very fast. Which means she's not ready.

    It doesn't mean you take it away. It means you continue the conversation.

    Now you'll notice, most of the time I'm spending talking to you, (the class) but look what happens when I focus my attention on Yelena.

    {David looks at Yelena}

    {Yelena lights up like a Christmas tree. And giggles a lot}
    {the other women in the room are laughing at Yelena, and Yelena responds with even more laughter. Instant feedback loop}

    You see this? She knows this is just a demo. (demonstration)

    Male student: Are you sure?

    {Yelena cracks up laughing even harder.}

    David: {repeats the question}
    Are you sure?

    {cracks up laughing.}

    There is goes. {the feedback loop of playfulness}

    The SNUGGLE SPACE. This is where you've got to man-up. And this is what actually shows you're the right kind of alpha.

    Because you are socially aware. Because you're socially adept that gives you status in her eyes.

    OK. We're coming in on 9:30 and I've got to rush a little bit.


    {Transcriptionist notes:}

    a. Is there positive eye contact?
    b. Is there an unconscious "Hello"
    i. The eyebrow flash
    c. Or does she give me the "Death Gaze." which is negative feedback.
    d. Do her pupils dilate? The more dilation, the more attracted to you she is.

    2. The PIVOT STAGE
    a. She pivots or orients, slightly towards him
    b. She moves her drink cup closer to his cup

    a. She reaches out and moves her drink closer
    b. She may move her napkin closer.
    c. She may mover her purse closer.
    d. She may adjust her sweater or jacket closer to you.
    e. A woman will never make this obvious.
    f. A woman will never do this 'accidentally.'
    g. It very well be 'unconscious.'
    h. You MUST do them back to her.
    i. These things determine how fast you create intimacy, connection and communication.
    j. We want to match and mirror her movements and gestures.

    a. A trouble spot for guys.
    b. Guys mistake return touching as a signal to go for the kiss or "go for the boob." It is NOT.
    c. Touch her the exact same way she touches you.
    d. Immediately and exactly the same way.
    e. What she is really saying here is:
    i. I like you
    ii. I'm comfortable with you.
    iii. I think there may be something here.
    iv. Let's see what happens when I touch you.
    f. Guys remember to follow her lead.
    g. You have only been given permission to touch ONLY the way she has touched you.
    h. And WHERE she's touched you.
    i. If she does NOT touch you back, Stop. Do not proceed any further. Stay at the place you are. Let her decide where/when/how to proceed.

    a. the guy simply creates a space and waits to see if she choses to move into it.
    b. She may, or she may not.
    c. She may move quickly or slowly.
    d. Give her an invitation and wait for her to RSVP you.
    e. Don't take it away if she doesn't move fast enough for you.
    f. Continue the conversation. Let her get more comfortable with you. She will move into it when she is ready.
    g. Remember guys you have to follow her lead.
    h. This is also the stage where he shows what kind of provider he can be.
    i. This stage shows her that he can give her social status.
    j. This stage shows her that he is socially adept.
    k. This stage also shows that he is the right kind of alpha male.
    l. So this is the stage where he has to man-up in many ways.


    The next stage, and she actually started to do it. It's a little rough because of the way the table's set up…

    Stand up for just a second sweetie…
    No both feet on the floor, yeah. So I'm going to give you a little bit of room, so just sit back a little bit.

    Now what will happen here is that once we're back in the snuggle space. …{Yelena cozies right up to him.}

    She's right there isn't she.

    {Yelena laughs again.}

    What will actually start to happen now is her orientation will start to change.

    Yelena: It will?

    David: It will start to move this way.
    {turning more and more towards David}

    {Stage six} {see notes below}

    What will also happen is… she's like jumping up and down under the table.
    {Yelena giggles}

    If I take a drink, she'll take a drink.

    {Yelena knocks her cup over. She's so excited}

    Or she'll try.

    As I gesture, … she'll attempt to mirror and mimic my movements.
    But we're almost facing (each other) but because of this setup it's a little difficult

    Yelena: Well I can turn and face you like that.
    {She changes her position}

    David: Yes that's right. See how we're almost facing on another. This is MINOR SYNCHRONIZATION.

    Male student: What's that again?

    David: MINOR SYNCHRONIZATION. Ok. If I were sitting, we'd have this same basic physiology. And almost face to face.

    OK. Now I'm in the Snuggle Space, so I'm here. And see how she wants to turn (even more towards me) and she wants to go to stage seven.

    And now the disco music plays and That's full synchronization. That’s stage seven. {see notes below}

    At this point… at any time after the snuggle space stage, it's a little bit of a judgement call when to go for the kiss.

    But what you look for?
    Massive pupil dilation.
    Head tilt.
    The bottom lip will protrude like Angelina Jolie on Botox. Or whatever it is they put in there. {collagen injections}

    Yelena: What was it they do?

    David: They give you a shot to enlarge your bottom lip to give you this pouty look.

    {Yelena tilts her head back and is staring at David's lips}

    She'll tend to look at your lips by the way too.

    These are all things that let you know… it's time.


    {Transcriptionist notes:}

    a. Is there positive eye contact?
    b. Is there an unconscious "Hello"
    i. The eyebrow flash
    c. Or does she give me the "Death Gaze." which is negative feedback.
    d. Do her pupils dilate? The more dilation, the more attracted to you she is.

    2. The PIVOT STAGE
    a. She pivots or orients, slightly towards him
    b. She moves her drink cup closer to his cup

    a. She reaches out and moves her drink closer
    b. She may move her napkin closer.
    c. She may mover her purse closer.
    d. She may adjust her sweater or jacket closer to you.
    e. A woman will never make this obvious.
    f. A woman will never do this 'accidentally.'
    g. It very well be 'unconscious.'
    h. You MUST do them back to her.
    i. These things determine how fast you create intimacy, connection and communication.
    j. We want to match and mirror her movements and gestures.

    a. A trouble spot for guys.
    b. Guys mistake return touching as a signal to go for the kiss or "go for the boob." It is NOT.
    c. Tou

  2. Joe Chan
    Joe Chan says:

    There are other body language signs like biting lower lips, looking left and right eye, looking at the lips, playing with hair, and etc…
    I’m just wondering…. how do those signs play in the 7 stages.
    or doesn’t mean anything.

  3. anna lee
    anna lee says:

    Hi. I am new to this site and I have watched some of the videos. I find them very useful. My question is- There is this guy…there alwais is…) Whom I have been dating.
    He has some issuess and they are many. Our relationship is not going so well and we have decided to end it. Harsh words have been used, from both sides. But we want to end it as friends ( or I do). The problem is that he says he is scared to meet me because he his afraid I am going to influence him. He does not know I am a member here and have watched your videoes. I must have done or said something for him to feel that way. But i do not know what. I still love him but I can`t force him to love me. I am confused. How can I get him to tell me what is really going on. Or is it that i am using Hypnosis on him without knowing it.

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